I place my coffee in the microwave and push the 3 and the 0 and wait for it to heat it up for the second time. The house is oddly quiet. And as the mug rotates on the glass plate my thoughts are of the two funerals last week. One, a seven-year old boy and the other, a woman down the street, less than a mile away, who lost her battle to cancer. She left behind a 15-year-old daughter. And in these moments, I wonder if it’s possible to live a life with no regrets.
And the microwave dings and the coffee is steaming once again.
I trace my familiar steps in my familiar kitchen. And I wonder, what if consciously, to spite my fear and trepidation, I make my way to life’s massive auditorium and choose to sit on the front row? What if I were to take in every moment, sip it like sweet sugary tea? What if I didn’t constantly check my watch counting the second-hand tics until intermission? And what if I sat mesmerized at the beauty performed by the people who have sung solos throughout my years? What if I never scrutinized one sentence from the cast of characters God specifically placed on stage?
And my thoughts of living this large life without regrets are interrupted by a little boy who seems to always be hungry for more. I lift him up, even though he can walk now because holding him close feels like a privilege. And today as the rain falls leaving the outside colorless, there is great beauty unfolding on the front row inside my little home.
I too want to take a front row seat! Why does it seem so hard to do sometimes? I’m not sure exactly what I’m afraid of, but that front row seat scares me at times.
I love your last line, “there is great beauty unfolding on the front row inside my little home.” What a beautiful reminder to be present. I’m going to carry it with me today. Thank you.
Thanks for this painting this poignant scene, Amanda, and for linking up with Simple Pleasures today. I find that so many of life’s simple pleasures are too often taken for granted, or overlooked. I loved this.
What a beautiful, poetic, post. You express so many of my own reasons for sitting back from the front row. Fear, Trepidation, Scrutiny…
A very thought provoking simple pleasure to read this afternoon.
Simply wonderful ….love the post
Amanda, I just found your blog and absolutely love it!! Your writing is wonderful and you speak so eloquently about what many of us experience as mothers. Thank you for expressing feelings that often times we don’t know how to put into words. I am now a faithful reader!!
I love how you say, ” I lift him up, even though he can walk now because holding him close feels like a privilege” – such a mother-defining moment.
I hope I teach my children that God has a front row seat for each of them. Not a seat that makes them more important than anyone else – but understanding that God wants us all on the front row and valuing the message he sends across our stage.
You said this simply beautifully!